How to Build A Lasting Community in 3 Months: An Introvert's Guide in 2022

     No introvert likes being lonely. Our batteries get charged from being alone and they get spent from participating in large social gatherings. But being alone and lonely are two very different things.

    When we switched to learning online last year, I was excited to have more alone time and by the end of the year, I couldn't remember the names of more than half the people in my classes from in-person. So I made a promise to myself that I would join some clubs and build true connections with people.

    But I couldn't think of any clubs at our school that I would be any good in, as most are skill-focused. Now, that would be fine if I was in grade nine, but I wasn't exactly in love with the idea of being that eleventh-grader being taught the ropes by someone younger.

    And that was what sparked the idea of the ASL Club. And that moment of celebration and sharing my ideas with my family only lasted about 10 minutes. I started envisioning what it might look like and I became nervous. Really nervous.

    What if nobody wants to join? What if someone's more fluent in ASL and expects to learn more? What if lots of people join but are then disappointed with what I have to give? What if nobody has fun and it's just really boring? What if...what if...what if...?

    I eventually locked my what if...?s away and worked up the courage to ask a teacher about the club. In the end, getting started was as simple as setting a first meeting date, putting up some posters, and Bam! we had a club.

    Being alone is physical. It's being in the presence of nobody but yourself and can change with a couple brave steps. But taking those steps to sit in the middle of the class at school and eat in large circles at lunch can't change the feeling of loneliness that squeezes your heart and couldn't be blown away with all the breathing exercises in the world.

    The "ASL Club" reminders in my planner soon stopped surprising me and became a regular even for me to count down the days to. I started learning people's names and saying 'hi' to people in the halls that were in none of my classes.

    By the time school switched back to virtual in the New Year, I found myself missing being in the school. All it took was taking that first step to start the club, and I was now a part of a growing community.

    Nobody wants loneliness; introverts just have a harder time escaping its grasp. But it can be done.

    The best thing about starting a club is what you get back from the people. Every ounce of effort I put into organizing the meetings, they give back in their passion for learning. For every meeting I hold, they thank me with their smiles and laughter. 

    There's nothing that I give them that they don't give back, including the learning experience! As Joseph Joubert put it, "To teach is to learn twice.”

    Even through a screen, the last two meetings of the semester were the ones that showed me what really matters in a club. It wasn't how much ASL we could learn, or even how big our club was. It was the community that was being built through shared experiences. So even though our ASL interpretation of Just The Way You Are wasn't exactly Instagram-worthy, we had a great time trying and struggling as a team.

    After surveying the club, I learned that over 70% of members were thinking of continuing to learn ASL after high school, and the club had improved people's sense of being a welcome part of the school community by 71.4%.

    I couldn't have asked for a better start to the ASL Club. This isn’t just a 3-month project for school, it’s a wonderful experience that I’m going to continue and bring with me wherever I may go after high school.

    Loneliness only leaves when you find a community where you reach out to others and they reach back to you.

    And if you can't find one, make one! Why not?